Why your body reacts to what is happening in your head
And how to understand these signals
Do you recognise this?
Your head is full of worries about work, but suddenly you also feel physical tension in your shoulders. Or you are stressed about an important presentation and notice your heart beating faster. Maybe you are struggling with burnout symptoms and feel not only mentally exhausted, but also physically drained.
This is no accident. What happens in your head directly affects how your body reacts.
Your body as an alarm system
After almost 30 years of experience as a mental coach, I see this every day: people who think their physical complaints have nothing to do with their mental state. Headaches that "just come", sleep problems that are "normal" when busy, or fatigue that "will pass".
But your body is trying to tell you something.
Stress, anxiety, overwhelm - it all starts in your head, but your body gets the same message. Tension in your mind becomes tension in your muscles. Restlessness in your head becomes restlessness in your gut.
Why does this happen?
Your brain does not differentiate between a real threat and the worries in your head. Whether you are running away from a bear or worrying about your workload - your body reacts the same way: with tension, increased heart rate, and stress hormones.
The problem: In our modern world, we are constantly "on". Work pressure, expectations, worries - it never stops. This keeps your body in a state of alertness, leading to chronic tension.
What I see in my practice
Athletes come to me with "physical" blockages - they can train perfectly, but during competitions their body doesn't seem to listen anymore. Their head is full of doubts, and their body follows.
Professionals tell me about headaches, sleep problems, and constant feelings of fatigue. When we start talking, their heads turn out to be full of work thoughts that never stop.
People with burnout feel not only mentally empty, but also physically exhausted. Their bodies have fought the battle for so long that there is no energy left.
The opposite way
The beauty is that this connection also works the other way round. Just as stress in your head creates tension in your body, peace in your head can also bring peace in your body.
Respiration - When you consciously start breathing more calmly, your whole system becomes calmer
Relaxation - Physical relaxation helps calm your mind
Motion - Physical activity helps break down stress hormones
How do you unwind?
1. Learn to recognise your signals
Where do you feel tension in your body? Shoulders? Jaw? Abdomen? These are the places where your stress collects.
2. Interrupt the pattern
As soon as you feel tension, you can consciously intervene:
- Take five deep breaths in and out
- Consciously tighten your shoulders and then let go
- Ask yourself, "What am I thinking about right now?"
3. Give your thoughts space
Not all thoughts are true or useful. Sometimes it helps to write them down so you can put them out of your mind.
The difference it makes
When you understand how your head and body work together, you get choices. You no longer have to watch helplessly as stress takes you over.
In my counselling, I do not work with complicated tests, but with these practical insights. Through reflection and conversation, people learn to recognise and break their own patterns.
The result? Less tension, better sleep, more energy, and most importantly, feeling in control of how you feel again.
Do you recognise yourself in this story? Get in touch for a no-obligation chat. Together, we will look at how you can regain balance between what is going on in your head and how you feel in your body.
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The tale of the five monkeys
Today a colleague told me a story that really got me thinking about how behavioural patterns influence our development - not just in organisations, but in clubs, associations and voluntary organisations too.
"That's how we do things here" - but why exactly?
The story goes like this: Five monkeys are placed in a cage with a ladder in the middle. At the top hang fresh bananas. Naturally, the first monkey wants to climb straight up, but as soon as it does, all the monkeys get sprayed with cold water.
After a few attempts, all the monkeys have learnt: the ladder is taboo.
Then comes the interesting bit...
Monkey 1 is replaced with a new monkey. This one immediately wants to go up the ladder but is pulled down by the other four. It quickly learns: "Here we don't climb ladders."
Monkey 2 has been replaced. Same story. The new monkey is stopped by the group - including the previous new monkey who has never felt the water spray itself.
This process repeats until all the original monkeys have been replaced.
The result? Five monkeys who all refuse to climb the ladder, while none of them has ever experienced the water spray.
Do you recognise this in your organisation, club or voluntary work?
- "We've always done it this way"
- "We don't try that here"
- "That doesn't work for us"
- "That's just our culture"
How many of our "rules" still exist because they once made sense, but have since lost their relevance? Or worse still - are they preventing us from growing and improving?
The question is: Which ladders in your organisation, club or team does nobody dare to climb anymore? And more importantly - are those bananas still there?
Time for reflection: Which unwritten rules might deserve a critical look? In which "cages" are we sitting, without realising it ourselves?
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A month ago
A month ago, I wrote about walking through familiar streets that felt both familiar and foreign. I talked about how everything had changed while I was away - how the past didn't pause, but kept moving and evolving. But I think I only told half the story.
Because here's what I didn't fully grasp then: it wasn't just that everything else had changed. I had too. So now you're two strangers meeting again. The you who left doesn't exist anymore. The home you left doesn't exist anymore. You're trying to connect with a place that shaped you, but you're both fundamentally different now. The reference points that once made you 'you' in this place have shifted on both sides.
Your old favourite coffee shop has new owners. Your childhood friends have moved. The neighbourhood has new energy. And you? You have new ways of seeing, new rhythms, new instincts developed in places this home has never known.
It's like trying to have a conversation in a language you both used to speak fluently, but you've each developed different dialects in isolation. The words are familiar, but the meaning gets lost somewhere in translation.... .
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Breathing Space
When the world spins fast and loud, and worry wraps you like a cloud,
remember this: you have the power to find your calm in any hour.
Breathe in deep, let shoulders fall,
you don't need to carry it all.
Each gentle breath, a small reprieve.
Sometimes the best thing is to leave the rushing thoughts, the endless list, and grant yourself this: to exist in quiet moments, soft and still, where peace returns, and always will.
Outside your comfort zone
Why stepping outside your comfort zone always pays off.
This article strikes a chord with me. My youngest daughter studied abroad for many years, always in English. When she started TU last year, English was still her first language and she planned to continue this international line.
But she soon made a conscious choice: to fully immerse herself in Dutch student life. Not one second of regret. It has brought her so much more than she expected - not just language skills, but real connection and a sense of home.
Now she actively encourages her bilingual friends to take that step too. She sees how open the Dutch student community is to international students who make the effort to really get involved. At Theta, she experiences this on a daily basis.
This article demonstrates perfectly: integration is not easy, but absolutely worth it. Sometimes you just have to dare to jump - and trust that there is a safety net.
Do you recognise this? Share your experience!
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A coffee call
A fortnight ago, I posted about mental health in men, and about a coffee conversation with someone I mentor.
Yesterday, I received the following message:
"He wrote about the moment I finally dared to say I was struggling. About how I thought men should push their emotions away.
I'm not sending you this message to complain about the post. Not because it was uncomfortable. But to say thank you.
Because that post did something to me. Seeing my story told so respectfully gave me the courage I needed.
I connected with people around me. Had real conversations. Took steps I had been putting off for months.
That one coffee conversation was the beginning. That post was the push."
For any man reading this and thinking, "That's me": you are not alone. Start with one conversation. With one person. It doesn't have to be perfect.
Vulnerability is indeed strength. And sometimes sharing your story has more impact than you think.
De maand van bewustwording loopt bijna af. Maar dit gaat verder dan juni. Dit gaat over elke dag waarop we ruimte maken voor echte gesprekken.
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After years away
After years away, you find yourself walking through familiar streets again. Those wanderings abroad, that constant searching for… something. Walking among the crowd, surrounded by noise and movement, yet feeling profoundly alone.
Who do we connect with?
Everything has changed. The past didn’t pause while we were away – it kept moving, evolving, leaving us to navigate a world that feels both familiar and foreign.
But here’s the truth many men struggle to voice: feeling lost doesn’t make you weak.
This Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s acknowledge that:
– It’s okay to feel disconnected after major life changes
– Searching for purpose and belonging is part of the human experience
– Asking “who can I connect with?” is the first step toward healing.
The key? Step out of self-pity and step into action.
Reach out. Have that conversation. Join that group. Seek that help.
Your mental health matters. Your story matters. You matter.
Leef als een schildpad
“Leef als een schildpad,” adviseerde socioloog Corey Keyes recent. Ik dacht eerst: “Makkelijk gezegd, maar we hebben allemaal deadlines!”
Tot ik besefte: dit gaat niet om traag zijn, maar om bewust zijn.
Een schildpad haast zich niet, maar komt wel aan. Ze is volledig present in het moment. Geen multitasking, geen afleiding – pure focus op het hier en nu.
Recent onderzoek toont dat het combineren van deze mindful houding met bewust gebruik van je sterke kanten (Character Strengths) tot meer welzijn én betere prestaties leidt.
Het fascinerende is:
Mensen die hun ‘schildpad-momentum’ vinden, rapporteren niet alleen meer rust en energie, maar verrassend genoeg ook… betere resultaten.
Wat zou er gebeuren als we allemaal wat meer schildpad werden?
Geïnspireerd door het artikel “Floreren door te lezen en werken als een schildpad” van Matthijs Steeneveld en Marlies Jellema in Tijdschrift voor Begeleidingskunde (2025, nr. 2)
